Another Lazy Day.

Tim is home for today and tomorrow morning then back out to the field for four or five days. e is supposed to be home for the fourth though. Don't have any big plans so far. Today we went to David's Bridal and tried on dresses for Kennedy. She was adorable and had a blast. She loved trying on the "up" shoes (shoes with a heel) and can't wait for Aunt Sara to get married so she can be there and can dress up. Now we are headed to Pizza Hut and Toys R Us because Tim promised the kids he would take them there when he came home. TJ is doing well with his potty training (hopefully I didn't just jinx it). He is able to go most of the day, including his nap without a diaper. The biggest hindrance is that I'm not usually feeling well enough to deal with it. This morning sickness is kicking my keister. I never know if I'm hungry or if I'm going to be sick. Sometimes its both. Can't wait for it to be over with. . . Oh yea, Sara and Ricardo changed the date of the wedding to August 25 because the original weekend (Aug. 18) is race weekend. They are holding the ceremony at St. Mary's and the reception at the fairgrounds I guess. Its fun planning this for now. I like being involved.

On the Mom front, the nurses say that even though she is deteriorating she shows no signs of dying anytime soon. She has developed at tolerance for the Ativan so they have to try to find something else. Sara said that she (Mom) spent the whole night moaning and crying at the top of her lungs for some reason. I worry that its getting to be too much for them (Sara, Matt, and Nana) to deal with. But there isn't really anything else we can do I guess.

Heat Wave

Summer is officially here. Mother Nature forgot to tell Seattle that its only the beginning of summer, not the dog days yet! Yesterday was a warm 87. Today 93 and tomorrow its supposed to be 97! Our average summer temp is between 80 and 85. We have no air conditioning. (I'm spoiled from living in Texas.) Currently it is only 85 downstairs in the house and our bedrooms upstairs are 89. Lovely.

My doctor prescribed percocet for my tooth which helped a lot. Now I have developed dry socket so I guess I'll be back there tomorrow. Does it end? No wonder so many people hate going to the dentist. I may soon become one of them.

We bought the kids a small blow up pool yesterday after gymnastics so they played in that and on the Slip and Slide all afternoon. We all got a little sun, but TJ is already brown as can be. Today I didn't feel like hanging around anybody so we kept to ourselves, ran some errands with Tim during his break today and went to Wal-Mart. Nothing big. More of the same tomorrow probably. . .

Tim comes in from the field on Tuesday some time and he'll be off Wednesday and most of Thursday. Then back to the field until Monday. The only good part is that he gets in to come in for an hour or two everyday to change uniforms and shower. Can't wait to be done with the military. We want to move back to Michigan so that we can be closer to family.

Ouch! Chipmunk Cheeks

So last week I had a toothache. I got an appointment for Monday morning at the dentist. I expected to have to have a cavity filled. WRONG!!! The dentist said it wasn't a cavity, but my molar which I had lost a filling on a few months ago. And oh yea, the absess was so bad he couldn't in good conscience let me leave the office without fixing it. Fixing it in this case meant pulling and oh by the way while we're there we're going to take the wisdom tooth which is impacted far in your jaw and into the nerves too. So with nothing other than a local anesthetic, I had two teeth pulled out. Because of the pregnancy, they couldn't put me under like they usually would. They did give me a pain killer (a Demorral derivitive) that they said was okay. It however made me sick to my stomach. I then found out that my doctor (OB) didn't want me to take that drug. So now I am stuck with plain old tylenol up to 3 times a day - not nearly enough.

On to good news! On Tuesday, Sara and her boyfriend Ricardo went to Toledo for dinner and he proposed to her. So now its official. They have set the date for August 18, 2007, which will be mine and Tim's 6th anniversary. I think that is really cool that they want to get married on the same day. She is planning a huge fiesta because Ricardo's family is so big. They are going to have something like 11 bridesmaids and groomsmen! I will be one of them and Kennedy will be the flower girl. There is so far only one glitch in their plans. He's Catholic and she's Presbyterian. So all you Catholics know what that means. . . Sara will have to convert. That ought to be interesting.

Well, I better go ice my face!
P.S. Jaime, what's your e-mail address? Mine is tembmurray@earthlink.net

Over the river and thru the woods. . .

Fort Lewis has some really neat trails. We have been wanting to go walking on some of them for awhile now. There are flat trails and trail up through the hills. A lot of the soldiers use them for land navigation training and such. The biggest problem with all these trail is that they are in the woods (duh!) That means animals. We have been cautioned about going through them too early in the spring because the animals (read: bears) are still too hungry. We figured that we would be okay today especially if we took Lady with us. For those who don't know, Lady is our big dog. She's a Black Russian Terrier, looks like a giant, black sheepdog. And oh yeah, she weighs 125 pounds. So we loaded the kids and the dog in the car and drove about a mile to where we knew there were trails. We chose the trail in the middle, which ended up with the steepest uphill climb. We hiked for about an hour, an hour and a half. Kennedy thought it was fun until an ant crawled across her shoe. TJ however thought that was hilarious. We didn't meet up with any animals or even find any evidence of any. I did get a bunch of great pictures though. Here are a couple.

Can you hear me now?

Kennedy had an audiology appointment yesterday, to have her hearing rescreened. She has a test and fails it then when we retest her she passes. So this one she of course failed. She has a slight hearing loss in her right ear. There is fluid behind her eardrum so it's not moving at all. They are pretty sure its only temporary. So now we have her retested in a month. If there is still fluid, they will most likely put tubes in her ears. Lots of fun, huh?

On the other hand, my lab tests all came out perfect. They should have, I'm pregnant, not sick. And they put me on a new anxiety drug called Buspar. One of the side effects is that it might "sedate" me too much at first. At least it will help me sleep.

Mom is doing about the same. She has been a little more alert in the last couple of days. And she hasn't been having any panic attacks. She doesn't however, recognize most people anymore. She keeps calling Matt "Blake", which is her brother. The other day though she did tell Matt that "he looks just like Matt." I guess that's a good thing for him to look like, right? I talk to her a couple of days a week, whenever she's awake when I call. I don't think she knows who I am though. That's hard to think about and try to understand, so I just don't anymore. I don't know what's worse, only talking to her every so often and knowing that she doesn't know who I am, or having to see it everyday like my brother and sister do. The dying process sucks.

Same ole, same ole. . .

We had McDonalds for lunch today because they are supposed to have the new "Cars" toys in their happy meals. They didn't. We got more of those mini Build-A-Bear toys. We'll have to try next week. TJ can't wait to see the movie. He wants everything he sees that has to do with "Cars."

Nothing really new to report on Mom. She isn't really eating, not really talking, sleeping a lot or just lying there looking at either the wall or the TV. She has lost all of her strength, which is not surprising. Matt has been lifting her for everything, sitting up to eat, using the bathroom, etc. At least she is not in any pain.

Last night was a bad night for Kennedy and me. She and I have been fighting a lot lately. She just wants to do her own thing. She either isn't hearing us, or isn't listening, both are possible. She has ear infections in both ears right now. But she had made a huge mess in her room and didn't want to clean it up. She just wanted me to throw away her toys so that she didn't have to take care of them. Well, I got upset and threw her toys in the hall. I left only her books in her room, took everything else out. She was really acting like a spoiled rotten brat. I don't know what it is lately with her, but I feel like I have lost any control. She was sent to bed early and was grounded to her room this morning instead of watching "Dora" with TJ. She finally decided to clean her room this afternoon while TJ was napping. We'll see how long that will last.

Yesterday Kennedy wanted to talk to Nana and tell her she loved her because Nana is dying. She asked me how long until Nana died, and I told her I didnt' know. She said, "I think Nana will die in 10 more years." If only. . .

Its just one of those days where I just want to crawl back into bed and cry myself to sleep. I went to the doctor today to have my official pregnancy test done and I had to take both kids with me. That was a trial in itself. TJ thought it would be fun to climb all over the chairs and tables and jump off of them. I don't agree. Then they told me that I couldn't take my anxiety pills or my sleeping pills anymore. I know that its standard, I am wondering how I am going to function and deal with mom without those. I won't sleep, that's for sure.

Speaking of mom, she has not been eating for the past two days, or really using the bathroom either. (She told me that she was eating just fine though.) According to the hospice nurses, she's entering the active phases of dying. How do I deal with that? I don't want to lose my mom. God told me that He knows that and He knows that I need her, but that He needs her more than I do. I wish I knew how to believe that and take comfort in it. I believe in God, but I'm not as good a Christian as I would like to be. I wish I knew how to change that. . .

For those who read this, I am sorry that it seems to be a bitch fest.