. . . and not so good news

I guess I was wrong yesterday when I said that Mom was doing fine. I didn't have the full picture because I'm not being kept as imformed as I would like to be. I know that Matt and Sara don't want to talk about mom being sick all the time and I understand that. I really do, but need to keep me informed. Its my mom too and I have a right to know everything. Just because I'm not there physically doesn't mean that I shouldn't know as much as they do. I know that its not personal, but it sometimes feels like it is. I did talk to Sara and hopefully we have things worked out between us. I told her that I would talk to everybody if she wanted, that way she doesn't have to. She had also been calling funeral homes and trying to maek up one of those papers that get passed out during a funeral. I told her I would take over the calling for her and write an obituary and help of the paper if she wanted. I just want to be involved. There's not a lot that I can do from here, but I can make phone calls and such.
So I guess that Mom has been gettting a little worse every day, a little weaker every day, and eats and drinks a little less every day. She is in a lot of pain now and sleeps all day . She's beginning to not recognize people now too. The hospice nurses say only a couple of weeks now. How do we do it? What do I do after I lose my mom? She's too young to die. She never smoked. Why does she have lung cancer? Isn't this something that happens to "other people"? I pray everyday for God's will to be done and I know that it will be, but some days its harder to accept that. I'm afraid that I will lose my family after we lose Mom, she's the glue that holds us all together. I don't understand why this has to happen. . .

Good News!

We found out Sunday evening that I am pregnant again! I can't get in to the doctor until June 13, but they did tell me that my due date is January 29, 2007. We aren't planning on telling my family yet. They have enough to deal with right now.

Mom is still doing the same, I guess. She sleeps all the time, waking only to eat. She has lost her voice now too. Hospice comes at least three times a week to check her vitals and pain levels, which last I knew were okay; very little pain. Matt has extended his leave until July 21, so he is there to help Sara and Nana. I don't know what we would do without them. Sara especially has been wonderful. I am so grateful that God directed Sara into the nursing field. The church has been bringing dinner over every night. They too have been a huge help.